Mr and Mrs. Kevin Lee

3 years ago today, I married the man of my dreams. This day marked the first day of the rest of our lives! Since this day it has been a crazy ride but a good one at that! 7 months after getting married we welcomed our first born son into our family and 23 months after that we welcomed our baby girl. We have traveled together, we got baptized together, we have laughed, cried, mourned, and loved together! Kevin is the best part of me. He has also given the best parts of him to our children. I see so much of him in Kaden it is unreal. Kaden is respectful and polite, and so incredibly compassionate for his age, which is just like his daddy. I love knowing that Kaden is going to grow up to be just like his daddy and once day make a girl very happy just like Kevin has for me. He is a great father. He is a very doting father. He provides for us all 110%. He has given us a nice home and the things we need to be a healthy family. I can count on him to be there when I or the kids need him. He is very considerate. He loves whole hearted. I can only wish that other girls had what I have but it is a hard and rare thing to find sometimes. I feel like I am more in love with Kevin today then the day I married him. I look forward to raising our children and seeing them get married together, and having grand kids together, and being retired together, and traveling, and just growing old together. Here is to a long and happy marriage Honey!!!

Now here we are after 3 years and we are happy with 2 beautiful and amazing children! What more could a girl ask for?!?!

7 month pictures

I didn't have time to upload these when I posted my blog yesterday. Here are Karsyn's 7 month pictures. I am posting this blog on facebook because for some reason facebook wouldn't let me upload a picture onto my wall. So enjoy everyone!
                                                        
                                                         Happy 7 Months Karsyn Renae

                                                            Look at my FOUR toofers!

                                       This is my "Mommy you can stop taking pictures" look

These pictures truely show her personality. She really is always this happy!

7 months old

Yesterday, Saturday November 26th, 2011 our sweet daughter turned 7 months old. I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. Sometimes I wish I could press the pause botton just so that I can be in these moments for just a little while longer. Until I found out I was pregnant with Karsyn which was 2 months after Kaden's first birthday I was constantly wishing time away. I wished that he was sitting up by himself sooner, I wished he was crawling sooner, I wished he was standing sooner, I wished he was walking sooner, and so on and so on. I vowed that when we had our second child that I would just let things come as they would and just enjoy ever moment of all of the "firsts" again. I can proudly say that from day one I have been very patient with Karsyn. I wasn't eager for any of those moments to "hurry up and come" I want her to always be my little girl and I know that with each milestone it means she is getting bigger and older. I hate that it has taken my second baby for me to finally just relax but I am happy that I can now relax more with Kaden's "firsts" as well.

So far here are some of the things that Karsyn is doing...

On September 19th both of the front bottom teeth came through. As of now she has 4 teeth. Two on top an two on the bottom.

At 5 months we could no longer hold out on solids anymore. She was literally grabbing food off of our forks and trying to put them into her mouth. We talked to her pediatrician first who then gave us the go ahead to start her on rice cereal. She ate that until she was 6 months old sometimes with bananas or pears mixed in. At 6 months we started her on veggies. She was absolutly IN LOVE with green beans. Not to fond of squash but now eats the crap out of anything. We have dabbled into stage 2 foods which have more of those mixed foods i.e turkey and rice, mac and cheese w/ veggies, etc. She loves ALL but chicken noodle. She now eats 3 times a day including formula.

On November 17th she started to scoot on her stomach. It wasn't until this past week that she has really started to want to crawl. She can now get up on all fours and rock back and fourth and she will put an arm forward and try to move a leg but she ends up falling on her stomach and then she will just pull herself across the floor. She is so close to crawling and I am so close to loosing my mind knowing that I have a 2.5 year old running around and a mobile baby also.

Sometime in her sixth month she was sitting up alone. She still gets overly excited sometimes and falls backwards but she can pretty much sit there and play with toys by herself with Kevin or I having to sit behind her or hold her up. She also can control how quickly she falls over. Her stomach muscles are much stronger now.

She just recently started to put more pressure on her legs when we bring her to a standing position. She obviously is not standing on her own yet an not even really with the help of like a toy or some kind of object but if we hold her under her arms she will stand for a little while and then just bring her legs up as if to say "okay, Im done with this standing buiness"

She is a GREAT sleeper. She takes after her brother on that. We have been so lucky to have two kids who absolutly LOVE their rooms and being in their own beds. We to this day have not had to "sleep train" Karsyn. No crying it out for this mama! We can put her in her crib for naptime or bedtime and she will talk for a little bit an roll all over the place but she finds a comfy spot and falls asleep on her own. I still rock her to sleep on some occassions when I am needing a little extra mommy an daughter time.

She is babbling up a storm. She now has baba, tata, and dada down packed. We are working on mama. She has no idea obviously of what she is saying but those are the syllabuls she can now mimick. She loves to babble and laugh with Kaden.

She is still very much shy and has stranger anxiety with people she does not see on a day to day bases. She is very picky (like her mama). She has the sweetest persona. She always smells so good. She is the best little shopping buddy. She LOVES her big brother (and I think he secretly LOVES her too). She is starting to want to play with toys. She still loves to just sit in my lap and watch everything that is going on around her. She gets the biggest grin on her face when her daddy comes home. She will instantly calm down when I sing to her and her favorite song is This Little Light of Mine by Addison Road. I sing it to her everynight and I tell her about her Great Papa. She likes to chew on EVERYTHING. She has the biggest brown eyes that you can get lost in and her chubby little cheeks are so squeezable and kissable. My favorite thing to do is kiss her and tell her how much I love her!

Here are some pictures of my sweet thing
                                                     

                                                       Yummy Green Beans all over!

                                                
                                                       We had a photo shoot in her room

                                                          
                                                        Her big brother (best friend)

                                                         
                                                               My little Pink Poodle

                                                  He is just too cute not to post a picture!

I look forward to posting and sharing many many more milestones of both of my babies with you all. I am one proud mama!

BTW, I forgot to mention that Karsyn now weighs 16 lbs and is 25.5 inches long.

Thanksgiving 2011

This is our first Thanksgiving as a family of four. Our tradition is going over to my in laws house with my mom and step dad and our little family. This year our friends Artis and Pat were adopted into the family. My step dad fried a turkey and we all brought all the side dishes. It was a really yummy feast. We enjoyed good food and good company. My Aunt and Uncle on my dads side are also in town for the Thanksgiving holiday. It has been over 6 years since I have seen them last. We went to my dads house in the evening to spend some time with them. All in all it was a good day.

Here are a few things I am Thankful for...

1. My parents
2. My in laws
3. good girlfriends
4. my husband having a job
5. being able to provide for my kids
6. my wonderful husband
7. my amazing son
8. my beautiful daughter
9. our health
and most of all 10. Jesus Christ for dying for my sins so that I may have this life that I have!

Here are some pictures of my little Turkeys on Turkey Day

                                                    Going on a stroller ride with daddy

                                                   Eating lunch outside at his picnic table

                                                                Happy Thanksgiving

                                                              Mommy and Karsyn

                                                               Daddy and Karsyn

                                                   

Don't you want to Gobble them up?

Dreading tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day of my papa's funeral. I am not ready for it. I have written my speech but I feel like there is much more to say. There are family members I look forward to seeing and others I feel very nervous about seeing. I want to get this over with but I also don't want to say goodbye yet. I pray that God will be there with me tomorrow and give me a sense of calm when I walk into the church.

Singing in the Car

Although I love everything about raising a child, there are things I love just a little bit more. My all time favorite thing right now with Kaden is singing in the car. I think my favorite place to be with my babies is in the car. I love looking back at Kaden and seeing his little legs crossed in his car seat and him looking out the window and hearing him sing all the songs he has learned. Karsyn likes to chime in every once in a while and when she squeals, it makes Kaden laugh and then before I know it, they both are back there laughing with each other.

Some of the songs we sing in the car are...

1. Itsy Bitsy Spider
2. ABC's
3. Frere Jacque
4. The Wheels On The Bus
5. Here We go Round the Mulberry Bush
6. Baa Baa Black Sheep

He also likes for me to make up songs with Firetrucks in them and trains with cabooses.

These are the moments I will cherish for a lifetime!

You are my Sunshine

My babies...what can I say. I love them so much. They make my days all bright and shiney. (Most of the time) Kaden has become very fun to be with. He is starting to listen better so going places with him has become eaiser. He has started to say "I Love You" on his own now. It is always so sweet and comes at the most perfect time. When he gets in trouble and I tell him that I am going to go get the spoon. (We use the spoon to spank him but he usually straightens up when we threaten to go get it.) He will count to 10 while we are going to get it. He is starting to hide now when he knows he is not supposed to be doing something. He started to rip up a tissue box right in front of me and when I caught him and said, Kaden...he looked up from doing it, gave me a slight smirk and then ducked behind our ottamen and finished tearing up the box. When I said Kaden, what are you doing? All I heard from him was No. He is pretty hilarious!

Karsyn is a sweetie pie. She is the most calm out of the two. She just likes to be in my arms. She is very cuddly. She is sitting up by herself but not for long periods of time yet. She gets a little unbalanced and falls to the side. She has started to put weight on her legs when we lift her up to where she is standing. She didn't for a while and I was a little worried. Kaden ONLY wanted to stand, even at like 2-3 months. The doctor told us to put her in her jumper more often so we did and now she stands much better. She is scooting. She scoots pretty well backwards. At first I would see posts on facebook about some of my other friends who have babies her age or around her age that are already standing and crawling and were sitting up by themselves before her and I would think that she was behind. I would worry and think okay what is wrong with my baby? There is nothing wrong though, at least not with her. Maybe with me because I hold her nonstop. She likes it and I like it. I have started to put her down more although she cries most of the time until I pick her up. But it is helping her develop more. I don't worry much anymore though. I am comfortable at her slow speed. It makes her be a baby for just a little bit longer. I swore that with the second baby, I would take my time and cherish every milestone instead of wishing it would hurry up and happen like I did with Kaden. I just wanted to try everything with him. I just know that it is going to be a while before we have another baby (IF we even have another baby) so if Karsyn wants to take her time, then I am fine with it.

We have been battling ear infections for the past 4 weeks. Kaden has had a runny nose for like 4 months and it turned into an ear infection. We took him to Urgent Care and they said that his right ear had fluid behind it. They put him on a 10 day antibiotic. Two days after finsihing his meds we were back at his doctor and this time the infection was in his left ear. They put him on another round of atibiotics. This time 5 days. He finished that and a few days later was complaining that his right ear hurt. He said he had an ear infection. It started on Friday night and we called Urgent Care. It was already passed his bedtime so we decided to wait until the next morning to take him to triage. They got him in Saturday evening and it turns out he has an ear infection in both ears. They put him on Augmenton this time. It obviously tastes AWFUL. He gagged on it the first time and threw up everything. I called Urgent Care the next morning after trying it again that morning and the nurse told us to try putting some Kool Aid granules in it to flavor it up a little. So that night we did and it WORKED! The bad thing is it has caused him to have runny stools and he has a really bad diaper rash. We keep diaper rash cream on him but it isn't getting any better. I put him in an Aveeno bath tonight which usually does the trick so we will have to wait and see tomorrow morning. As far as Karsyn goes, she had a double ear infection as well about 2 weeks ago. She was on antibiotics. We go back on Friday to recheck both kids ears and she will also have her 6 months shots and they both will be getting their flu shots. She wasn't able to get her shots at her appointment since she still was not better from the infection. She now has a rash on her body from the meds or the infection. It is starting to go away. I am just so ready for these infections and runny noses to get better. We are keeping Kaden out of school this week to try and get him better. If we could get the runny nose to go away, these ear infections should go away! They both have high spirits and have had them this whole time. Kaden still plays as usual and is still as silly as ever and Karsyn is as sweet and smiley as ever!
Love them both! They are my Sunshines!!

Keeping my Faith

Trying to stay a float today. I keep wishing for something to let me know that my papa is better and that he is with my gramma. Like a gust of wind, or something that happens that reminds me of him or something. I don't know, it might sound crazy to everyone else but to me I guess I just think it would make me feel better. I want to cry all the time but I try to stay strong for my babies. I don't want Kaden to think that he has made mommy upset. I get sick to my stomach though when I think about him being gone. I feel like my memories have faded. I don't want them to go away. I feel like I don't remember what he was like before he got so bad. I feel like I don't remember my gramma as much anymore. I wish that I had a picture of him and I from my wedding. I wish I had more pictures of him and I in general. I feel like I need to be sad ALL the time. I feel like if I even have any happy moment that I am not greiving for him. Its hard to wake up each morning and want to get out of bed to see my kids when all I want to do is lay in bed and remember the good times I had with my grandparents. I miss their house. It was my home. College kids live there now. I want to go there sometimes and knock on the door and tell them that I used to live there. I want to tell them that I colored on the wall leading down to the basement. That I used to play hide and seek in the closests. That ALL of my Christmas mornings where spent there and that there were so many presents that we would have to take an intermission half way through. I want to tell them that, that rose garden that used to be there that isn't anymore used to be my grammas favorite thing to do. The street that the house sits on, was the street that I would skip down with my gramma and that I would dance out in. The front porch was where my papa and I used to play eye spy and we would pontificate. I miss that house and I miss the family that we used to have in that house and I miss my gramma and I miss my papa. I am no ones grand daughter anymore. My papa will never sing "here she comes, Miss America" when I walk in the door ever again. My gramma will never ask me if she can try on my clothes knowing very well she would never fit. I will never get to play piano with my papa again nor will my kids ever get lessons from him. My papa lived an amazing life. He was so educated and talented and well rounded. He provided for his family like a man should. He worked hard and loved strong. He made mistakes along the way and was not perfect but who is? The mistakes he made as a father he made up for as a grandpa. He cherished me and I cherished him. I was his world and now that he is gone I am realizing that he was mine too! I hope that I never forget him and what we shared together. I hope that I can tell my kids all about him and my gramma and how much fun they were and how much they loved me and how much I loved them. They will forever be in my heart and on my mind. I know that God is with both of them now and has healed them both and is probably drinking coffee and doing the Sunday crosswords with them. I also know that god will get me through this and that he will make sure that I continue to remember them. I am thankful for my belief in God and how strong his love and my faith is to get me through this.

A beautiful life comes to an end

I grew up incredibly close to my grandparents. We had an unbreakable bond. My gramma was probably my biggest fan. She passed away 6 years ago. Her death for me was a difficult one. We knew that it could happen but a little part of us thought she would pull through. She got very sick unexpectedly and never fully recovered. My papa was with her, holding her hand at the end. I think I handled it a little better then I thought because I knew that I still had my papa. He kept her alive for me. Having him still made me feel like a part of her was still here. My papa went to live in an assisted living after the passing of my gramma. He hated it at first. He wanted to go home. He became very depressed, not to mention he had early onset dementia. He would forget where he was and that my gramma passed away. He would ask over and over again where his wife was. Having to tell him every single time that she was dead was very difficult. This may be horrible but we began to tell him that she was on vacation. After some time he stopped asking, I feel like towards the end he didn't even know who she was anymore, but I know that he does. The first couple of years were good ones in the home. My mom and my Aunt and myself would go play cards with him in the evenings. We would sit with him in the rocking chairs outside on the front porch and talk about old times. We would bring cake and ice cream on his birthdays. It wasn't like being at my grandparents house but it was becoming home and he was still my papa at that time. Towards the end I stopped visiting as often. He became very hard of hearing and his short term memory loss was at its high. We would have to repeat over and over again who we were and the relation we were to him. He became very irritable and aside from going to the dinning room for meals all he wanted to to was either be in his bed or in his lounge chair sleeping. He would have his good and bad days. His bad days were really bad days and his good days well they were far and few. I regret not visiting more often now. After having each baby I did take them to see him. I wanted him to at least hold them and meet them even though I knew he did not know who they were and really didn't feel an emtional connection to them. I think I did it more for me and for my kids.          

                                                            
                                                         Papa and Kaden (4 months)

                                                    
                                                     Papa and Karsyn (4 months)


I am so glad that he was able to see them and hold them. I hope that he will take that memory (if he even remembers it) to my gramma and tells her how beautiful they are and how happy I am. The day before he passed I also took them to see him (I don't know if it was the right thing to do to let Kaden see him like that) but for me, it felt right and well I cannot take it back now. Kaden told his great papa to take a nap and to have sweet dreams. He told him he loved him although he was just saying what I told him to say, I at least wanted my papa to hear those words.

On November 2nd I got a call around 10:30pm from my mom  who I had just been with at the mall only about an hour before. She told me that she was driving to papa's home to meet with My Aunt because hospice had called and said that he was not going to make it through the night. I said I am on my way. I got there probably 5 minutes after getting the phone call. I am right down the street from where he lives. My mom and step dad and also my Uncle Gino came walking in not to much longer after I had arrived. a hospice nurse was there as well as the nurse on staff at his home and a caregiver where in the room. My papa is one of 3 who are still living there from when he came so these people have gotten to know him an his family. I saw him hooked up to oxygen and barely getting enough air. He looked very frail. It was hard to see him like that. The hospice nurse told us that she didn't expect him to live much longer. His heart rate was in the 170's and that more then likely it would give out and he will just go to sleep. He held on that entire night and even the next day. Myself along with the people mentioned above stayed with him the first night. I think we left at about 5 in the morning and at that point he was stable. I visited him twice the next day. Once was inthe afternoon and the hospica chaplin was there. We had a very good visit. We talked about the memories I had with him and she prayed with us. The next time was my last time and it was with my mom, my aunt, and my kids. I told my aunt to call my Uncle Paul and my papa's sister Patty to let them say their goodbyes. A good friend of mine had that idea when my dad's mom was dying and she said to have someone who was with her put the phone up to her ear so she could hear me say goodbye. I think it helped both of us have that closure sine I had not seen her in several years. So my Uncle and my "great: Aunt said their goodbyes and told him it was okay to let go. I believe very strongly that he was waiting for that. He needed to hear that his kids were going to be fine and I think he wanted to make sure that everyone who needed it got to say goodbye while he was still here. When my Uncle Paul said Hi dad from the phone, my papa's eyes opened very wide and it seemed as though we was trying to speak. Now if I haven't menioned this, my papa was basically completely deaf. Like the chaplin was saying though, sometimes near the end God will let you hear the things that you need to hear. I think my papa could hear us those two days talking to him and telling him how much we loved him and how much he meant to us. I got the call this morning that he had passed away at 8am. From what I know, he was by himself and peacefully just went to sleep. I am at peace with the fact that he has passed away because I know that he is not in any pain anymore and his body has been restored and he is with God and also with my gramma. I am sad however in the sense that the little part of my gramma that he kept alive by being here is gone. She got to see me get married because of him, she got to see me have not one but two babies because of him. I know that she sees it anyways but just having him here was comfort for that she was here also.

I also mourn the loss of some of my family members now. Not in the way that they are dead but in the way that after the funeral service I may never hear from them again. When my gramma passed away things happened that put a riff in our family with some of the family members. First it was what was left to whom by my gramma and then it was words that where said and then it was money. I had a huge part in the words that where said. I got defensive and said some pretty awful things that I shouldn't have said to someone and that caused some tension between myself and that person as well as my mom and her brother. I am extremely sorry and have been for a while now about the things that I said. What I said was very immature. I hurt some people very much and for them to not like me is understandable. I wish that I had the guts to tell that person how deeply apologetic. Maybe one day I will feel that it is a "right" time to tell them. I wish that it hasn't come to this. No family should be where we are now. It is awful. I went through to births without some of my family not even knowing it. Karsyn still has not met two of her great uncles nor have they congrtulated me on having my babies. They all think that I am the same person I was a while ago and I am happy to say that I am not. Like I said, I feel awful for the thins that I have said. Being a mom I would never want my kids to act the way I did. I had reason to be angry but I had no right to go off like I did. Maybe these people will read this and take this as my apology or at least step towards that and we can move on from this. I hate knowing that my papa passed away in a time where our family is not a family. It should have been that this brought us closer instead of tearing us apart. I love my family very dearly and I just want things to get better. I know this is more painful for my mom who once had an unbreakable relationship with my Uncle. It's sad to see what has become of that. I hope that we can get to a place where my grandparents can be proud of the family they have.

I hope that my papa is telling my gramma about her great grandbabies and about how I am doing and how I have a wonerful husband and I get to be with my babies every day. I hope he tells her how wonderful of a job my mom did raising me and even more wonderful she is with her grandbabies. She keeps the thins that she and I learned from my papa alive with them. The catch phrases that my papa used to say, my mom is teaching to Kaden. I will continue to tell them about their great grandparents and make sure that they know how incredibly special they were to me and how special they would have been to them. Both my gramma and my papa would have been over the moon for my babies and would have spoiled them more then they spoiled me which is hard to imagine. I will continue to miss and love them very much until I can be with them again. Like my papa used to say, "See you in the funny pages"

This song reminds me of both of my grandparents and the fond memories that I will carry with me throughtout my life!